Nicotine Junky

I’ve just gotten over a cold I had for nearly two weeks. The worst of it passed in a few days, but I had this horrible, hacking cough and chest congestion that just wouldn’t go away. Cough medicine helped, but not much. And of course, smoking all the time wasn’t helping things, either. I knew I should cut down on the cigarettes for a while to let my lungs clear out, but not smoking all day is just as miserable as coughing all day. After ten days of this, however, I’d had it with the cough. So I did what any dedicated nicotine addict would do in my position--I found another source for my fix. Copenhagen, an old acquaintance that had helped me out before, had me breathing free and easy again in about three days. Hey, I’ve heard it said Copenhagen can cure anything that ails you, including the common cold.

I used Copenhagen to quit (albeit briefly) smoking a couple of years ago. My plan was simple. I figured I could use the chew to separate myself from the cigarettes without having to endure the nicotine withdrawal at the same time. It’s the same idea as the patches, but a whole lot cheaper. Stage two was to wean myself off the chew, which I anticipated no problem in doing, owing to the disgusting nature of the habit. Let me tell you, Chris LeDoux nailed it on the head when he sang about Copenhagen, “I put a little chew in my mouth, go spittin’ an’ a-slobberin’ around the house.” My plan worked great, up until the part where I started smoking again. I weaned myself off chewing over the course of about two weeks. The first three days with no nicotine were a little rough, but each one was better than the last. Then it stopped getting better, and I was left with a constant, if mild, nagging craving. And it would get worse at cocktail time. In addition to the increased cravings, I’d get lonely for my cigarettes then. Cocktail time is what broke me. On day twenty of no nicotine, I stopped on the way home from work and bought a big ol’ can of Top rolling tobacco. Ahhhh…I hadn’t felt so good in weeks as I did that evening.

I know I can’t smoke forever. I believe all the reasons why you’re not supposed to smoke. I know I’m going to have to quit for good one of these days, but I just don’t want to yet. Maybe in another year, when I turn old, I’ll do it. But for now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go burn one.